The adventures of cow head.

I really need you guys to hear this terrifying story of one girl... and a cow's head.

About a month ago Nick and I were at the local farmer's market hunting around. We came across a little stand that sold grass fed and pasture raised beef. Great!- the hippie inside me thought. So we purchased a couple of steaks and some ground beef. Our bodies could tell the difference between corn and grass!

To the left of the stand these ranchers were also selling the recently deceased steak's head! A cow head! Not only that but a longhorn cow head! Great for hanging upside down in your living room!
So, the next week when Nick was out of town (don't get that, he said) I bought the biggest cow head they had, so what if it had a little bit of skin and hair left on it? Can you imagine the anti-Texas symbol it will create on our wall in the heart of Austin?!?!
I could imagine it then... but I'm not so sure now. This cow head has almost beaten me...

I read on some university's website that one needed to soak a skull in water and enzymes to rid the head of extra skin. So I did that. I got our trashcan and soaked the head in a trashcan full of water and dish detergent enzymes. So easy! Then after about 24 hours I took the head out of the trashcan... and almost puked about 6-7 times. I gagged and gagged and then gagged some more. It is one of the worst smells I have ever smelled. EVER. I couldn't really eat the rest of the day. My nose had been saturated in rotting cow head smell.
(Nick, can you help me? NO! you got yourself into this mess and you can get yourself out! FINE!!!)
BUT! Most of the extra skin did fall off! But also, a lot of the connective tissue still remained. His mouth is still there along with the ligaments that connect your skull to your eye muscles and forehead muscles. POOP!

Anyways I have decided to take the cow head to an actual taxidermist. There is one right down the road in the land of decorative heads all over things. People in Midland love hunting and then decorating their walls with it. And I guess I love dead things on the walls too.

But now are you thinking about the most disgusting part? Yes, the cow head water. Can't just put it down the sink. I could never use that sink again. I almost threw out our trashcan... Does it gross you out that I didn't? I washed it out thoroughly!

So, getting rid of the putrid water, teeming with dead bugs and skin. I waited until the dead of night and slowly, bucket full by bucket full, took it out of the apartment balcony and distributed it around the apartment complex in the grass.

I would fill the bucket almost halfway (that's all I can carry) then quietly dash to the grass and empty out the bucket, while breathing through my mouth and trying not to barf. Then I would dash back and refill the bucket. I was thinking to myself 'at least I haven't gotten any on me yet'... when of course I accidentally knocked it against the trashcan and in slow motion I saw the water in the bucket make a giant tidal wave and somehow gained enough momentum to splash me in the face.

I ran to the bathroom and turned the water on burning hot and scrubbed my face for ten minutes.
Oh god, I'm surprised I didn't lose my cookies right there. vomit.
Gross.
I'm gonna drink some wine now.